Finding the right counsellor
As I’ve been thinking about blog topics lately, this is one that keeps coming up again and again. Colleagues, friends, and people in general often ask me for the name of a “good” counsellor — as if there is a secret shortlist somewhere I’m guarding 😅. The truth is, it’s less about finding the “good” counsellor and more about finding a good fit.
So I thought it might be helpful to slow this question down and reflect on what actually matters when looking for someone who feels right for you. Here are a few questions that may help guide that process—see what resonates or feels relevant for you:
How important is it for your counsellor to share your faith, spiritual, cultural background, or is that less central to what helps you feel understood?
What communication style feels best for you — direct, structured, and clear, or more open-ended and exploratory?
How do you prefer to make sense of your experiences — through thinking and understanding the “why,” through emotions, through the body, or through spirituality?
What helps you most in change and growth — structure and clear goals, or a more flexible, intuitive process that unfolds over time?
Are you looking for a space focused on insight and understanding patterns, or more on emotional support, and being heard in the present?
What pace of therapy feels right for you — steady and structured, or slower with space for silence, reflection, and pauses?
What helps you feel most seen and safe in a helping relationship?
And ultimately, what kind of “fit” helps you show up most fully as yourself in therapy?
Questions you may want to share during a meet and greet appointment:
What therapeutic approach do you use in your work?
How do you take into account culture, identity, and lived experience in therapy?
What does a typical session with you look like?
What are your fees, and do you work with any insurance providers?
It can also be just as helpful to consider what doesn’t feel right for you. Sometimes, paying attention to potential red flags can help clarify what you want to avoid in a counselling relationship.
Potential red flags may include:
Frequently being interrupted, corrected, or not being given space to fully express yourself
Leaving sessions feeling like there wasn’t enough room for your concerns or lived experience to be communicated
How comfortable do you feel expressing disagreement, asking questions, or showing confusion in therapy?
Feeling that the counsellor’s agenda consistently takes priority over a collaborative process
Experiencing judgmental, dismissive, or closed-off responses to your thoughts or emotions
Feeling pressure to present yourself in a certain way, rather than being able to show up authentically
Noticing a lack of curiosity or openness toward your perspective
Feeling your voice holds equal weight in the therapeutic space, or do you notice yourself holding back or minimizing parts of your experience?
It’s important to acknowledge that some initial discomfort can be a natural part of building trust. However, if these patterns persist over time, it may be worth reflecting on whether the space is truly supporting your needs, safety, and wellbeing.
